The Universe is An Insane Place! To show how crazy it is, I will tell you an event that happened when I was in my twenties.
Am a male and almost 20 years ago I answered a share-the-ride-and-gas advert on Craigslist from Kelowna to Vancouver from a female who picked me up at a mall on the Kelowna side. All I had was munchies and drinks to share and my backpack.
We met and exchange initial pleasantries and I had a note of familiarity as if I had met her before. I made a verbal note to her and asked we had met before. She smiled and laughed but merely mentioned her first name and that we may have seen other around town. I didn’t push it any further so we got in the car after she mentioned she was in a hurry to get to a flight in order to get to her home country and a family celebration. She spoke almost perfect English with only a typical mainland Europe accent that I couldn’t quite place.
During the drive we shared a lot about ourselves personally but she didn't want to get into details of her current job so i didn't push it. I also showed her my mix CD’s and told her I was a metal fan to which she was really surprised at that, noting that she was a big fan herself. I played multiple CD’s on the drive and we headbanged all the way to Granville and 70th in Vancouver where I was going.
All the way there I was trying in my mind to recognize her but just couldn’t get it. Anyways, during the drive we talked about everything under the sun and kinda started to figure out we were open to meeting up again and I just gave her my phone number and email address.
She said she'd be back in Canada sometime soon and would love to meet up with me again. Seemed like she really meant it too when she dropped me off near a gas station at 70th n Granville.
No email after a few weeks so I forgot all about it until a few years later during a long vacation to Europe with some friends where we ended up at a major music festival in Germany.
I was STUNNED to see HER again in all her glory on stage fronting one of the biggest metal bands ever! What a total shock to see my Kelowna-to-YVR ride-share singing to 80,000+ people!
If you are a metal fan YOU KNOW HER NAME and her band! I wasn’t anywhere near the front of stage so there was no chance to get her to recognize me. She's still famous 20 years later!
That’s my story about meeting an angel and star in disguise!
If you've ever been unable to stop thinking about someone, you know how accurate the phrase "living in your head rent-free" really is. Try as you might, all roads lead back to that person, often a crush, an ex-partner, an ex-friend, or an annoying coworker or acquaintance. Wondering when you'll see them next; dreaming up future conversations; rehashing and revising past interactions; thinking up reasons to text them; checking and rechecking their social media accounts; finding ways to bring them up in conversations with mutual contacts, whether it's to vent or gush about them - the thoughts can feel all-consuming and exhausting. If you've ever been in this situation, you've likely wanted to know how to stop thinking about someone.
The truth is, there's no single magic strategy for how to stop thinking about your ex when their side of the bed is empty at night, or your ex-BFF when their side of the text convo is a dead end, or that coworker when you're butting heads every week. It takes intentional work - and a little understanding about why that particular person is running circles in your mind.
So, we asked mental health and relationship experts to share why we sometimes can't get someone off our minds, how to know when it's becoming an issue, and how to stop thinking about someone once and for all.
If the person living rent-free in your brain is a crush, attraction is likely playing a role in why you can't stop thinking about them. It feels good to think about the things you admire about someone and to daydream about a future relationship; to some extent, the same holds true for a platonic attraction as well.
But if the person you're preoccupied with is an ex or someone who rejected you, you may be grieving, says Eliza Boquin, MA, LMFT, a licensed relationship and sex therapist. "It's quite typical to go through a grieving process [after a breakup]. You don't necessarily have to be with someone for a long time, but the intensity of how you felt might determine how long it takes to get over that person," she says. If you didn't have a feeling of closure - if someone ghosted you or ended things suddenly, for instance - your thoughts are especially likely to start spiraling. "Our brain works in patterns to make sense of things, and when you don't have a lot of resolution, it can make it really difficult to move on," Boquin says.
Separating from someone you're attached to can even cause symptoms of withdrawal, including difficulty sleeping, eating, and depression, according to a 2019 study. It's a big deal, and it makes sense that it may be hard to get past. But the 2019 research found that people who reported more rumination on a romantic or platonic breakup generally found it harder to emotionally adjust afterward. The same may hold true for a rejection too.
Anxiety could also factor into why you can't stop thinking about someone, including an ex, an ex-friend, or a crush. People with attachment anxiety, for instance, tend to spend more time ruminating, according to a study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, and that can affect relationships other than romantic ones.
It's common to think a lot about a new crush, a latest ex, or even a potential friend or new coworker. Often, these thoughts pass on their own. But generally, if your thinking is bothering you, it's a problem.
Uncontrollable, obsessive thinking can be a red flag for an anxiety disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder, says Rachel Sussman, LCSW, a dating and relationship expert and the author of "The Breakup Bible." There's even a type of OCD called relationship OCD, which is characterized by thoughts and behaviors relating to a relationship. If you suspect anxiety or OCD is playing a part in your thinking, it's important to see a licensed medical professional for proper diagnosis and treatment.
Even if your symptoms aren't being caused by OCD or anxiety, ruminating about a specific person often goes hand in hand with self-blame - such as blaming the end of a relationship solely on yourself - which could impact your self-worth, confidence, and even productivity in your day-to-day life at work or in school, Boquin says. Rumination can also cause you to isolate yourself from other relationships with family and friends, which lets the stubborn thoughts take up even more space in your brain.
Some clear-cut signs that you're thinking about someone too much include: it's been more than six months since the thoughts started; your friends mention being bothered by how much you're mentioning someone; you're having trouble sleeping or eating, or the thoughts are generally getting in the way of your daily life; you're feeling anxious or depressed. "If you find yourself crying a lot and having low energy, it might be a red flag that you need to seek out professional support," Boquin adds. Friends and family can be helpful, but talking to a therapist or counselor is also often beneficial, she says: "It's important to have a lot of support systems and a lot of different resources to process."
In addition to seeking support from loved ones or professionals, the experts suggest the following strategies for evicting someone who's been squatting in your mind.
You can't forget about a person immediately, especially if you're talking about a breakup. (If you don't know why trying to erase your memories ASAP is a bad idea, consider watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.") First, "make sure you've talked through the breakup with a good friend or someone who's been through a breakup or a professional to help you process," Sussman says. Same goes for other situations, including being rejected by a crush, having a friendship end, or having a frustrating interaction with a coworker. While you're in that processing stage, surround yourself with healthy coping tools: exercise, spending time with friends, and getting enough sleep, Sussman suggests.
If you're past that early stage and still having trouble getting that person off your mind, don't just try to suppress the thoughts. Instead, take the time to embrace and identify your emotions around the person every time a thought about them pops up, says Boquin. Do you feel guilt? Anger? Sadness? Confusion? "The reason acknowledging our emotions works is because this is how we process our emotions," Boquin says. The more you try to push away what you're really feeling, the more difficult it is to release those emotions (and you may cause emotional blockages in other relationships with loved ones in the process), which is part of letting go, she says.
After noticing your thoughts and labeling your emotions, supply yourself a positive affirmation, such as: "I'm doing the best I can," "This is really hard," or "This is temporary, and at some point I will move through this," Boquin suggests. If self-blame is a recurring loop in your head, consider telling yourself, "I did the best I could in the moment," she says. Also try shifting your thinking toward the future, and what you've learned that you'll bring into your next relationship, such as communicating more clearly.
Across the board, the experts agree that you need to cut off all forms of contact with the person you can't get off your mind, so you can minimize your chances of Insta/TikTok/Facebook/Twitter/Reddit/BeReal trailing them. Checking in on someone's socials will only allow the obsessive thoughts to continue (that's just science). This step is especially important if you're trying to stop thinking about an ex who's moved on more quickly than you. "Looking them up will only exacerbate the anxiety," Sussman says. Going zero contact is about learning what life is like without that person, Boquin adds.
When the person does pop into your head, rather than following the same old path of thoughts - whether that's being regretful over a relationship ending, being wistful about what never was, being angry about an altercation, or something else entirely - try to consider a more balanced view of the person. If that person is an ex, for example, remind yourself of their flaws, Boquin suggests. If it's a crush who rejected you (directly or indirectly), reassure yourself that their taste in partners was a mismatch - it can be hard not to take that personally, but the person who's meant for you will be passionate about you, not lukewarm. In some cases, the balanced view might include some positives about the person in question: if you can't stop thinking about a coworker who gets under your skin, it may be helpful to remind yourself of the value they bring to your company or a time they helped you, for instance.
Got through half a day without thinking about them? Hey, good for you - celebrate that and keep the momentum going, Sussman says. Also, as your mood and confidence lift and you become more comfortable taking care of yourself again, consider making it a priority to meet new people. That might mean dating again or just getting back into socializing, she says. As you meet new faces and reconnect with old friends, you'll have less mental space to spend on that person - and more of your thoughts will go toward people and things that lift you up, instead.
RSA is investing in its broker service as it aims to reverse years of decline. Having published its strategic roadmap for 2025, Saxon East discovers that although there is plenty of goodwill, it faces a battle to convince brokers it can achieve its goals
On a narrow road, a stone’s throw from Ilford train station in Essex, lie the offices of Trident Insurance.
Aged 67, chairman Robert Marshall is still working hard, proud of the business he built up over the years.
For too long, Marshall feels the big insurers have let him down. With only a few million in premium each year, the large insurers have given him poor service and made life difficult in obtaining agencies.
The wait on referrals is agonising.
“You have to wait for sometimes a week
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Chilling video captures the moment a quick-thinking 10-year-old Pennsylvania boy eluded a woman who was trying to lure him away — by telling a store clerk to pretend she was his mom.
Sammy Green was walking home from school in Pottstown on Friday when the woman began following him on High Street, CBS News reported.
“Started walking with him and asking him where his family was, asking where his dad was,” the boy’s dad, Sam Green, told WPVI.
“She said she probably knew me and was going to Wawa and that he was supposed to go with her and he could get anything he wanted,” he said, referring to a convenience store.
Sammy recounted how the woman peppered him with bizarre questions and made him uncomfortable.
“She was like, ‘I’m going to Wawa. Are you going there? What are you getting from Wawa? Where’s your family at?'” the boy told CBS News.
The stranger also offered to buy the fourth-grader food before a security camera inside Dani Bee Funky, a store he’s familiar with, captured them walking by.
Sammy is seen walking into the store and going to the cashier, 17-year-old Hannah Daniels, and whispering in her ear while the woman stands outside.
“He was like, ‘Pretend like you’re my mom,'” Hannah told CBS News. “And I was just like, ‘All right, go to the back.’ He didn’t want to leave my side.”
The video shows a poised Hannah walking to the door and locking it as Sammy stands behind her. The woman promptly walks off.
“I was still shaking when I was in here,” Sammy told the news outlet after the scary episode, which he ended by following what his dad had taught him about strangers.
“When we were watching that video, I cried every time I saw it,” Green told WPVI.
He said the incident was a lesson for every parent.
“Think of every scenario and make sure that children know and also practice it,” Green told CBS News. “Practice your situations and scenarios just like fire drills.”
Police later tracked down the woman and said she was getting treatment for mental health issues.
Store owner Dani Small praised Sammy and Hannah for their clever actions.
“I am very proud of her. Hannah is a 17-year-old young lady. She did everything correctly,” Small told WPVI.
A property developer who bought the central Christchurch clubrooms of the Returned and Services Association (RSA) has retained some memorial features while converting it to an office building.
Developer and investor Lindsay O’Donnell’s company Amherst Properties paid $3.4 million for the building last year after the troubled RSA sold it in the face of financial losses and mounting debts.
Amherst is now nearing the end of the $1m-plus conversion. The work has included stripping out and refurbishing the interior, and cutting new windows in the eastern facade.
O’Donnell said they will add a poppy mural to the eastern facade and are hiring a local street artist to paint it.
* How a grand new building and swanky restaurant became a financial disaster for the Christchurch RSA
* Contest for RSA president brings back bad memories
* Commemorative wall of plaques taken down by Christchurch RSA
“I didn’t want it to be just another office building. We wanted it recognised for what it stood for,” he said.
“It’s always a balance, but we’ve tried to keep bits that are significant. We didn’t want to step on the toes of the RSA – it’s their history”.
The association’s connection with the site dates back a century to when it first built clubrooms there after World War I.
After the 1920s rooms were demolished following the earthquakes, the RSA purpose built a replacement designed by Christchurch architects Warren and Mahoney, costing $6.5m.
The new building opened in 2015 featuring the Trenches restaurant, bar and function area, which was intended to bring in revenue. However, the business failed and Trenches was closed in late 2019.
Amherst has removed five of the 11 distinctive metal-clad pillars out front, which are inscribed with the names of overseas battles in which Kiwi service personnel lost their lives. The five are still owned by the RSA and have been removed and stored.
Three of the other pillars are still in place and the other three will be re-installed on the eastern side of the building.
Also retained are exterior engravings in the marble walls, including one memorizing “We Will Remember Them”.
Attempts by the RSA to have stonemasons salvage memorials which honoured individual soldiers failed, and they were lost, O’Donnell said.
The RSA took digital copies of the memorials, which had been paid for by families and built into an interior concrete wall, in the hope it might later recreate them.
Other memorial items, including murals depicting war scenes by Christchurch painter William Sutton, were removed by the RSA and auctioned off to raise money.
O’Donnell said deconstructing the building’s interior had required considerable effort because it was designed with an emphasis on hospitality.
Amherst has also bought a site alongside the building for car parking. It previously bought and redeveloped land behind the clubrooms which the RSA sold to fund the building’s construction.
RSA poppies are made at a factory in Christchurch which is staffed by volunteers and can produce 2000 to 2500 poppies each day.
The National Pension Commission (Commission) initiated the Data Recapture Exercise (DRE) in 2019 in compliance with Section 23(e) of the PRA 2014 to update the data of Retirement Savings Accounts (RSA) holders who opened their RSA before 1 July 2019.
Retirement Savings Account (RSA) holders were registered using the Contributors Registration System (CRS) Application when the Contributory Pension Scheme was launched in 2004. The inability to change contributor information and enrol physically incapacitated contributors were a few issues that the CRS application developed over time. To address the shortcomings of the CRS and update contributor data, the Commission developed the Enhanced Contributors Registration System (ECRS). Consequently, all RSA holders who enrolled before the ECRS went live on 1 July 2019 must complete the DRE to migrate their information from the CRS to the ECRS.
The Objectives of DRE
The need for DRE was given further impetus by the directive of the Federal Government that all data-generating agencies should align their data with the National Identity Management Commission’s (NIMC). Accordingly, synchronizing and aligning RSA holders’ data with the NIMC’s database using the National Identity Number (NIN) as a unique identifier is one of the primary goals of the DRE. The DRE also aims to accomplish the following:
Eligibility for the DRE
Every RSA holder who enrolled before 1 July 2019 must participate in the DRE. Whether the RSA holder is a retiree or an active contributor, they must update their data through the DRE. The procedure is simple. To participate, an RSA holder should present the following identification and documents to their PFA:
To expedite the procedure, the Commission authorized a Share Service Initiative (SSI) proposed by the Pension Fund Operators Association of Nigeria (penOp). Two agents, PAY-ONE Solution Limited and Afritech Multi Concept Limited, were designated and assigned to organizations under the SSI to conduct the DRE. The two agents have the approval of NIMC to operate as NIN registration agents. In addition, to ensure the confidentiality of information, the Commission implemented a robust data security architecture.
The Commission monitors and regulates the activities of the agents by ensuring that:
Benefits of DRE
In light of the foregoing, it is crucial to highlight that the DRE enables the RSA holders to enjoy the following benefits in addition to fulfilling the Commission’s responsibility to maintain a clean database and complying with Federal Government policy to meet NIMC standards:
RSA holders that are yet to participate in the DRE are enjoined to approach their PFAs and participate immediately so as to benefit from the services provided by the pension industry.
If you have any enquiry or require further information regarding the Data Recapture Exercise, kindly get in touch with National Pension Commission on the following phone numbers: 094603930, and 07066924512 or by email: email@example.com.
New Hampshire is not just home to extraordinary scenery, but it can feature some fantastic listings that honor that beautiful backdrop. We found several properties this week that we can’t stop thinking about — from a lakeside cottage with a three-story stone fireplace and an interior “birdhouse” to a White Mountains retreat with a whimsical whiskey barrel wet bar.
Check them out:
191 North Shore Road, New Durham
4 bedrooms, 3 full baths, 1 half bath
4,415 square feet
40 Follensbee Road, Enfield
3 bedrooms, 3 full baths, 1 half bath
2,496 square feet
48 Manning St., Portsmouth
4 bedrooms, 1 full bath, 2 half baths
3,388 square feet
53 Courtney Road, Woodstock
4 bedrooms. 2 full baths, 1 half bath
2,016 square feet
14 Dew Point Lane, Center Harbor
6 bedrooms, 4 full baths, 1 half bath
6,594 square feet
Correction: A previous version of this story gave the incorrect number of bathrooms for the Enfield, N.H., property. The home has 3.5 baths.
The Royal Society for Arts (RSA) has unveiled the nine recipients of the 2022 Royal Designers for Industry (RDI) title as it overhauls its structure to recognise speculative design, regenerative design and design research.
Every year, the RSA award the RDI title to individuals who exhibit “sustained design excellence” and produce “work of aesthetic value and significant benefit to society”, according to the RSA.
Superflux founders Anab Jain and Jon Ardern and Munich-based industrial designer Stephan Diez are among the new inductees, who were announced by Master of the RDI Faculty Tom Lloyd during a ceremony at RSA House.
Only 200 designers can be part of the group at any one time, and it has a legacy stretching back to its foundation in 1936. Non-UK designers can win the title as honorary Royal Designers. Current RDI include illustrator Quentin Blake, who has held the title since 1981, and graphic designer Michael Wolff, who was awarded the title in 2011.
Sebastian Cox was awarded an RDI for his work in regenerative design. He is a designer, maker and environmental campaigner who adopts a nature-first approach in his work at his zero-waste workshop in London.
Cox uses only UK harvested woods, including from his own woodland in Kent. He practices coppicing, which is a woodland management technique involving repeatedly felling trees at the base (or stool) and allowing them to regrow to provide a sustainable supply of timber. This means that the raw materials Cox uses are net positive.
As well as modern digital fabrication methods, Cox designs and makes furniture pieces using traditional crafts and greenwood working techniques, such as weaving steaming and cleaving. His design style brings “the softness of nature into modern spaces”, said Lloyd, adding that the furniture pieces clearly communicate the origins of the materials and act as “vectors of education on subjects of bio-diversity and climate breakdown”.
Superflux founders Anab Jain and Jon Ardern were recognised for innovation in speculative design and handed RDI titles. Founded in 2009, Superflux is both a design and experiential futures company and a research and art practice.
Addressing courses such as climate change and algorithmic autonomy, Jain and Ardern seek to present the complex and interconnected nature of present-day challenges to diverse audiences. Their approach is a unique strategy for business that works by inviting people into hypothetical worlds to expand their imagination.
Lloyd described Superflux as “one of the first studios to pioneer a practice with speculative design, critical foresight, design fiction and experiential futures in business”. Jain and Ardern’s work takes the form of client projects, cautionary tales, super-fictions and immersive simulations which test new ideas and themes, ultimately helping to identify blind spots and enable strategic, informed and long-term decision making.
Stefan Diez attained an Honorary RDI title for his work in the product design space, where he focusses on designing furniture lighting and accessories for the circular economy. He founded Diez office in 2002 forefront of transforming the ways that products are developed and manufactured.
Growing up in a household of fourth generation carpenters inspired Diez’s “hands-on experimental approach” to his designs, said Lloyd. This concept is at the heart of his studio space formed in 2008, which is joinery-turned-atelier workshop in the centre of Munich.
The space aims to encourage crosspollination, creative experimentation and working analytically. According to Lloyd, Diez believes a good product “offers a tangible advantage to the user and is something they become attached to and want to preserve”.
Diez has also been head of the industrial design program at the University of Applied Arts Vienna since 2018.
Andrea Trimarchi and Simone Farresin received an Honorary RDI for innovation in design research. The pair founded research-based design studio Formafantasma in 2009 to drive projects that investigate the ecological, historical, political and social powers that influence contemporary design. They carry out similar research as co-leaders of the geo-design department at the Design Academy Einthoven.
Working from their studios in Milan and Rotterdam across multiple disciplines, – such as product design, spatial design, strategic planning design and consultancy – Trimarchi and Farresin take on both client briefs and self-initiated projects. Lloyd explained how their portfolio exemplifies “coherent visual language and meticulously research outcomes”.
He adds that Trimarchi and Farresin have advocated the need for “value-laden advocacy merged with holistic design thinking” in a bid to facilitate better knowledge of our natural and built environments and how it can be transformed through design.
Professor in Graphic Design at The University of Melbourne and a visiting Professor at Tokyo Zokei University John Warwicker achieved the RDI honour for his work in new media design. Lloyd said that Warwicker “never stood still”, adding that his work across media, performance, commerce and art practices is “progressive exploratory and innovative”. Warwicker co-founded the multi-disciplinary design collective Tomato and received TTDC special prize for the curatorship and design of the O tomato Parco exhibition in Tokyo, which celebrated Tomato’s 25th anniversary in 2016.
Renowned west-African Burkinabè architect Diébédo Francis Kéré was accorded an Honorary RDI award. Lloyd described Kéré’s vision as both “utopian and pragmatic” as he focusses largely on utilising local materials, community engagement and sustainable modes of design to construction. Jenny Bevan (OBE) received the honour of becoming a RDI for her innovation in costume design. She has designed clothes for 49 films, 16 TV productions and 30 theatre productions and won three Oscars, three Baftas and two Primetime Emmys.
Lloyd also announced that Charlie Paton, who has been a RDI since 2012 for his work in engineering design, will replace him as Master of the faculty. Paton is best known for inventing the Seawater Greenhouse, which combines seawater and sunlight to generate ideal growing conditions for crops in hot, dry environments.
ST. LOUIS, Mo. (KMOV) - St. Louis City, St. Louis County and the Regional Sports Authority (RSA) have agreed how to split the money that was gained from a lawsuit settlement pertaining to the Rams relocation.
In 2017 the city, county and RSA sued over the Rams’ relocation. Stan Kroenke and the NFL opted to avoid going to trial and settled in November 2021 for $790 million. After lawyer fees, the St. Louis region was left with around $513 million.
For months News 4 Investigates has been trying to get answers from St. Louis Mayor Tishaura Jones, St. Louis County Executive Dr. Sam Page, and RSA leaders regarding the money’s status. Earlier this year, the St. Louis Board of Aldermen called for an investigation into the rams settlement money to ensure the funds would serve the citizens of St. Louis best.
Tuesday night, Jones’ office announced that as of January 2023, St. Louis City would receive $250 million plus an additional $30 million on contingency, St. Louis County would receive $169 million and the RSA would receive $70 million.
The St. Louis Board of Aldermen will have until June 30 to decide whether to appropriate the $30 million contingency funds to the convention center expansion project. If the Board of Aldermen does not appropriate those funds to the expansion project in time, the city would then agree that the RSA is entitled to receive the money no later than July 31.
The full board of the RSA still must approve the deal.
Following the announcement from Mayor Jones’ office, Greater St. Louis, Inc. CEO Jason Hall issued the following statement:
“On behalf of businesses, organizations, and institutions that employ more than 200,000 people in the St. Louis metro area, we urge the City, County, and RSA to steward and invest these once-in-a-lifetime funds to grow the St. Louis economy for generations to come with a boldness that transcends jurisdictional boundaries and drives inclusive growth across the metro.
“We continue to believe that the three national models outlined in our latest white paper offer the best potential pathways to maximize the transformative potential of these one-time settlement proceeds. These funds should be deployed in an intentional and strategic manner to drive inclusive and catalytic growth in the metro. Based on national best practices, the use of one-time settlement funds should be based on a transparent process, clear and specific goals, sound fiduciary governance, accountability, and oversight.”
Earl E. Nance Jr., the chairman for the RSA, told News 4 they are thrilled to reach a decision after months of negotiations with the city and county.
“Of course we asked for more, we would’ve liked more, but it turned out 70 million dollars and we will make the best use of it that we can. The dome that we’re responsible for, needs some repairs, need some maintenance, may need a new roof, so we’ll be ready for that. We have to get everything ready for the Battlehawks football team coming in, so this money is a big help in helping to get that done.”
correction: A previous version of this story stated the settlement had just been reached between the parties and the NFL.
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